Should I date my baby daddy? - relationships babydaddy love | Ask MetaFilter
A few months ago, Anslem Samuel wrote a post about how black men view dating single mothers. While I sympathize with the plight of single. What if I told you there was one last storm to get through--would you ride it out with me?" My boyfriend, Rob,* and I had been holding hands in a. When you start dating a man it is never easy, and dating a man who is someone's baby daddy presents its own special challenges. However.
If he was not prepared to raise a child then I feel like he did the right thing by staying away. Our son was young and has a very strong relationship with my father and brother, so I felt like my son was covered in that department.
It should be mentioned that my son's father always provided insurance and paid child support in those early years. Basically, he did what the state required and nothing more. During this time we did not speak — I never called and hounded him to visit and I made decisions about our son's welfare on my own something our court agreement states I can do. When our son was 3. I'm assuming that my son's father got wind of the hefty claims made against the insurance he carried and at that point, he called expressing his desire to see our son.
I invited him down, my family was more than polite, and he and our son began a relationship I can only call surreal. Our son had no qualms about letting this man into his life as dad and frankly, I'm very proud of their bond. And now our son is seven.
Don’t Do It: Dating A Guy With Children - The Frisky
After that first visit a few years ago, my son's father made clear that he was in love with me and felt like we should give it a try. Needless to say, I was not receptive.
Here was a man whose character I seriously questioned, considering that he had no interest in his own offspring for so many years. Again, I appreciate his honesty with himself and me in saying that he was not ready to parent but that obviously means that we are just different people with different values, yes?
Aside from that, what happens should mom and dad break up? How does one even begin to navigate such an odd relationship without messing up their mutual child? We both moved on. I've dated seriously, as has he. He has done some things I consider parenting errors but they were minor, and frankly, my life revolves around doing nothing but the very best for our child so I'm a stickler and can be hard to please. But one of the reasons I left my most recent relationship is because he and the what-ifs are always a nagging presence.
So these are the things I'm hoping the dear MeFites here can help me sort through. They are not related solely to the backstory I've posted here but they are still some things I like some perspective on, if anyone has any to offer I should ignore these feelings, yes?
The potential to screw our kid up by entering into a relationship with his father is far too great, right? Because when it comes to our son, I always get my way, and thus I think he genuinely believes I dislike him greatly.
This is not true. Is it my job to rectify this? Anytime I bring up a parenting issue, he is automatically defensive. He believes I'm a great mother, tells me so often, but I get the feeling he truly feels like I feel he's not as good a parent as I.
Should I make an effort to correct this feeling on his part or is that his own issue to deal with? Would it be weird and potentially offensive and unfair to his girlfriend to request that we sit down and hash out all these old feelings of anger and resentment on my part or should I just work on letting it go and move on, since I don't let those things affect the care of our child?
On that same note, would it be wrong to request that now, because our son is getting older, we make an effort to really get to know each other?
Who Wants to Date a Baby Daddy?
Again, we dated a very short time but he is obviously a part of our lives now and I feel like most of the time, I don't know this person. The last issue relates to myself and I'd like advice.
I find myself making flirtacious comments to this man. He is good looking, kind in person, thoughtful, and very stable. When we are together, we both cannot seem to stop making comments, referring to our short relationship, or otherwise coming on to each other. I assume that this is probably not mature or good. Am I wrong in assuming that? I find myself wanting to ruin his current relationship of this, I am NOT at all proud and I don't even like typing that sentence.
I find that I do my best to keep him hanging on even though I've stated a relationship is not possible given the situation. His girlfriend, while she seems incredibly nice, does have some things in her past that I don't like a prior drug conviction, namely and she certainly seems like an upstanding citizen and a great mother to her kids, but her calling my kid honey rubs me the entirely wrong way.
How do I work on getting over such immature jealousy and just let them be happy, without my juvenile interference? Or is this my heart telling me that I genuinely do like this man? A whirlwind of snowflakes, eh?I WILL NEVER DATE A BABY DADDY AGAIN!!!
Apparently my life is a fucking snow globe. Can you help, MeFites? So, no, you shouldn't date him. All considerable drama aside, you should not pursue anything while he is in a relationship, regardless of your opinion of his current SO and regardless of your feelings for him.
You're not going to be able to effectively co-parent with him if you're busy getting territorial with his girlfriend. You and he and she need to be able to communicate honestly and in good faith to act in the best interests of all the kids involved.
Your flirting with him, feeling jealous of her, and generally not respecting their relationship is a bad approach to this situation.
You do not want to date this person. And stop flirting with him, you're only making things worse. Since he currently has a girlfriend, the answer is no. This answer covers everything except for 2 and 3.
Work on bringing him more into the kid's life and decisions that effect, if you think it's the right thing to do. Seriously, don't mess with relationship. Let it live or die on its own, otherwise you'll never be able to fully trust him down the road. The guy is dating someone else and raising kids with her? No, he is not, you read it wrong. He said and asked for a relationship. She said no and they both moved on and dated other people. Tell him so and let him be. Sounds to me like he did a good deal more than "what was required" given that you basically told him to fuck off in the first place.
This doesn't really answer the heart of your question, but doing "what the state required" is a hell of a lot more than many dads do. And he did come along and have a "surreally" good relationship with your son. You've been concentrating on doing the right thing by your child, and you may have just pushed your own feelings and desires aside. Then the guy reappears and you are reminded that you may have had feelings for him at one point.
But it sounds like the time for any relationship with him has passed. I think you should congratulate yourself for doing a good job of parenting in a tough situation and keep on as you have been. I mean, yeah, you could talk to him about your feelings but it would be pretty much venting at this point.
- Why I would never date a baby daddy
And so far he's been a really helpful ally in raising your kid; don't spoil that. I'd say concentrate on that, it is more than enough to keep a positive relationship, with its own sort of shared love, for a long time. Maybe in ten years if you both find yourselves single you re-assess. For now you already have a clear focus in your life, and there are a lot of fish still in that sea.
As attractive as the possibility of being a "whole" family is, there are so many red flags and pitfalls that it could be potentially disastrous and awful for him and you. You think he's young and he can't understand what's going on, but he does and I guarantee it is confusing as hell for him. My niece's father kind of fucked off after she was born granted he didn't provide the kind of support you gotfive or six years later he pops back up saying he wants to give the father thing another try.
During this time a matter of monthshe and my sister decided that they were "back in love", although their original relationship wasn't that intense. They eventually got married, but divorced three months later because there were many good reasons it didn't work in the first place including the abandonment of his child, but who's counting? Now the guy has retreated again in the wake of the relationship meltdown. Guess who's left holding that bag of shit? It baffles me that a woman in her right mind would consciously choose to date a man who is a father of a child not of her womb.
Baby-daddy-ville is hostile territory which you enter at your own risk.
Why I would never date a baby daddy : Evewoman - The Standard
I especially pity the women who date serial baby daddies. The fact that he has multiple baby mamas, none of whom he has ever been married to, is really not a red flag to you? Are you trying to be baby mama number four?
Come on, how can you overlook that mess? If you date a baby daddy, you will never ever come first in his life. His children will always be his first priority, rightly so. He will cancel dates and romantic trips if his children need him. Let us not forget the ever present issue in a relationship with a baby daddy; baby mama drama. The reason most baby daddies are ostracised is not so much about the baby as it is about the baby mama and the subsequent drama that unfolds when she finds out that the daddy has started dating a new woman.
The baby mama will go out of her way to sabotage your relationship and she will make your life hell if not actually succeed in breaking the two of you up.