Have you heard of the book the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman? Be it date night, a couple hours alone, or even adults-only Netflix after dark, While the activities listed below may be ideas for an outing or date night, there are o Language: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation. Dr. Gary Chapman, bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages, I've discovered simple ways you can make quality time for your partner a Share Activities. How to Make Time to Date When You Think You're too Busy. We explore Gary Chapman's best-selling book on the five ways most people If your main love language is Quality Time and your partner neither spends much.
If you experience the death of a parent or a close friend, even if Physical Touch is not your primary love language, an extended hug by your spouse may be the most meaningful thing for you at the moment. There is something about being held in the midst of our grief that communicates that we are loved. While Physical Touch is not your primary love language, it is extremely meaningful on such occasions.
Does the 5 love language concept work with children? I like to visualize that inside every child there is an emotional love tank. If the child feels loved by the parents, the child grows up normally. It is extremely important that parents learn how to love children effectively.
One of the points we make in the book is that children need to learn how to receive and give love in all five languages.
This produces an emotionally healthy adult. It really helped us in raising our children. However, now our son has become a teenager. Whatever you have been doing in the past, the teenager considers to be childish and will want nothing to do with it. You must now speak Physical Touch in more adult dialects such as an elbow to the side, a fist to the shoulder, a pat on the back, or wrestle the teen to the floor. These touches will communicate your love to a teenager.
As teens get older, they become more capable. Thus they need to have more responsibilities. When these responsibilities are tied with increased freedom, the teenager is motivated to become a responsible young person. For example, if you are going to allow the teen to drive a car, this freedom should be accompanied by a responsibility such as washing the car every Saturday by noon.
If they fail to meet this responsibility, there should be specific consequences already in place, such as losing the privilege of driving for two days. If the parent consistently applies the consequences, the teenager will have an extremely clean car and will learn that freedom and responsibility are opposite sides of the same coin. What if the primary love language of your spouse is difficult for you? It is extremely difficult for me to initiate physical touch.
It is true that most of us grew up speaking only one or two of these love languages. These will come natural for us and will be relatively easy. The others must be learned. As in all learning situations, small steps make for big gains.
These small touches will begin to break down the barrier. Each time you touch, the next touch will be easier.
You can become proficient in speaking the language of Physical Touch. The same is true with the other languages. Stand in front of a mirror and read the list until you become comfortable hearing yourself say those words. Then choose one of the statements, walk in the room, and say it to your spouse.
Each time you affirm them, it will become easier. Not only is your spouse feeling good about your changed behavior, but you are also feeling good about yourself, because you know that you are effectively expressing love to your spouse. Are some of the love languages found more among women and others with men? I have never done the research to discover if the love languages are gender-slanted.
It may be true that more men have Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation as their love language and more women have Quality Time and Gifts.
I prefer to deal with the love languages as being gender-neutral. I do know that any one of these love languages can be the primary love language of a man or the primary love language of a woman. The important thing in marriage is that you discover the primary and secondary love languages of your spouse and you speak these regularly.
If you do this, you will create a healthy emotional climate for marital growth. How did you discover the five love languages? In the book, I share some of my encounters with couples through the years that brought me to realize that what makes one person feel loved does not necessarily make another person feel loved.
For a number of years, I have been helping couples in the counseling office discover what their spouse desired in order to feel loved. Eventually, I began to see a pattern in their responses. I later called them the five love languages. I then started sharing these languages in workshops and study groups. Therefore, I decided to write a book in which I would share the concept, hoping to influence thousands of couples whom I would never have an opportunity to meet in person.
Now that the book has sold over f8 million copies in English and has been translated into 49 languages around the world, my efforts have been more than rewarded. Do the love languages work in other cultures? Since my academic background is anthropology, this was my question when the Spanish publisher came first and requested permission to translate and publish the book in Spanish.
I discovered it in the Anglo setting. Then came the French edition, the German, the Dutch, etc. In almost every culture, the book has become the bestseller of the publisher.
This leads me to believe that these five fundamental ways of expressing love are universal. However, the dialects in which these languages are spoken will differ from culture to culture.
For example, the kind of touches that are appropriate in one culture may not be appropriate in another culture. The Acts of Service that are spoken in one culture may not be spoken in another culture. But when these cultural adaptations are made, the concept of the five love languages will have a profound impact upon the couples in that culture.
Why do you think The 5 Love Languages has been so successful? I believe that our deepest emotional need is the need to feel loved. If we are married, the person we would most like to love us is our spouse. If we feel loved by our spouse, the whole world is bright and life is wonderful. On the other hand, if we feel rejected or ignored, the world begins to look dark. Most couples get married when they still have the euphoric feelings of being in love.
When the euphoric feelings evaporate some time after the wedding and their differences begin to emerge, they often find themselves in conflict. With no positive plan for resolving conflicts, they often find themselves speaking harshly to each other.
Harsh words create feelings of hurt, disappointment, and anger. Not only do they feel unloved, but they also begin to resent each other. When couples read The 5 Love Languages, they discover why they lost the romantic feelings of courtship and how emotional love can be rekindled in their relationship.
With a full love tank, they can now process their conflicts in a much more positive manner and find solutions that are workable. The rebirth of emotional love creates a positive emotional climate between the two of them and they learn to work together as a team—encouraging, supporting, and helping each other reach meaningful goals.
Once this happens, they want to share the message of the five love languages with all of their friends. Every year since its first publication, the book has sold more than it did the year before. How long am I supposed to continue speaking his love language when there is no response? There are two possibilities as to why your husband is not responding. First and most likely, you are speaking the wrong love language. Often they will initiate sexual intercourse.
She is sincerely trying to speak his love language.
Love Languages - The 5 Love Languages®
When he does not so much as acknowledge her efforts, she becomes discouraged. In reality, his primary love language may be Words of Affirmation. Because she feels no love coming from him, she may be verbally critical of him. Her critical words are like daggers to his heart, so he withdraws from her. His only pleasure in the marriage is those moments of sexual intimacy, but they are not enough to alleviate the emotional sense of rejection he feels from her critical words.
He suffers in silence while she becomes frustrated that her efforts for improving the marriage are unsuccessful. The problem is not her sincerity; the problem is that she is actually speaking the wrong love language. If the spouse is already involved in another romantic relationship, either emotionally or sexually, they will often reason that your efforts have come too late. They may even perceive that your efforts are temporary and insincere and that you are simply trying to manipulate them to stay in the marriage.
Even if your spouse is not involved with someone else, if your relationship has been hostile for a long time, they may still perceive your efforts as being manipulative.
In this situation, the temptation is to give up, to stop speaking their love language because it is not making any difference. The worst thing you can do is to yield to this temptation. If you give up, it will confirm their conclusion that your efforts were designed to manipulate them. The best approach you can take is to continue to speak their love language on a regular basis no matter how they treat you.
Set yourself a goal of six months, nine months, or a year. If they walk away from me, they will walk away from someone who is loving them unconditionally. There is nothing more powerful that you can do than to love your spouse even when they are not responding positively. Whatever the ultimate response of your spouse, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you have done everything you could do to restore your marriage.
If your spouse eventually chooses to reciprocate your love, you will have demonstrated for yourself the power of unconditional love. And you will reap the benefits of the rebirth of mutual love.
Can love be reborn after sexual infidelity? Nothing devastates marital intimacy more than sexual unfaithfulness. Sexual intercourse is a bonding experience.
It unites two people in the deepest possible manner. All cultures have a public wedding ceremony and a private consummation of the marriage in sexual intercourse.
Sex is designed to be the unique expression of our commitment to each other for a lifetime. When this commitment is broken, it is devastating to the marriage. However, this does not mean that the marriage is destined for divorce. If the offending party is willing to break off the extramarital involvement and do the hard work of rebuilding the marriage, there can be genuine restoration.
May 3, Q: The reality is that marriage has always been a public thing. However, the wedding is important. When we downplay the marriage covenant by living together and become sexually active prior to marriage, we increase our chances for marital problems.
In fact, research indicates that a sexually active couple who lives together is far more likely to divorce once they do get married. The reality is that you cannot simulate marriage. How do I move on? May 25, It will take time. Time will bring healing. Recognize that some dating relationships will end in breaking up. And normally one takes the initiative to break up and the other suffers. As a single Christian, how can I build friendships in my church?
April 13, Question: As a never-married Christian man with no children, how can I build healthy and enjoyable friendships with other people who are married? Quite often I get excluded from both public and private church fellowship activities. I would suggest you take the initiative. You can sit around and feel sorry for yourself at home—no body calls you nobody invites you.
Or, you can create things for yourself and for others. You need to build friendships with singles but you also need to have friendships with married individuals. Then, you plan things for the single adults in your church.
Let them know that there are others like them who want to be engaged. You can be the change agent.